Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and get more joy out of life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here: Bloom Anywhere.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Please send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.
Looking around the Upper West Side apartment with its river views, my stomach got a little tight. I can’t say I didn’t know what I was getting into. A friend had invited me to her “Kill Your Darlings” salon at a mutual friend’s apartment a couple of weeks ago. A group of nine writers—essayists, novelists, playwrights, and others who make their living by arranging and rearranging words—were to read from our works in progress. I have a chronically neglected novel, and I thought this would motivate me to dive back into writing.
The guests sat down and began introducing themselves. That’s when the stomach clench happened. They said things like “my upcoming work's performance at Lincoln Center,” “the podcast based on my Modern Love essay,” and “my memoir about touring with [really famous rock band].” A writing instructor, a Pulitzer Prize winner, and a longtime Friars Club roast writer occupied some of the seats.
A tough room, to say the least.
Then, the readings started. Each was so different—a monologue, memoir excerpts, essays, and other works. The afternoon took us through a range of emotions from laughter to heartbreak. Suddenly, we were all in it together.
When it was my turn to read, my voice shook a little. I read too fast. My novel is set in the immigrant communities of 1960s Boston, where I spent a good portion of my childhood, so during the dialogue, I mimicked the flat As and absent Rs from my long-gone accent, even as I gulped air at every possible pause. My nerves were on full display.
But they laughed in the right places. And when I was done, I realized that they liked it. They really liked it.
The experience was so gratifying and validating. I walked away with three important reminders that you may need, too.
Growth requires a measure of discomfort. Since the pandemic, I joke that I’ve developed “institutional syndrome.” While I love being with other people, sometimes—often—it’s easier to just hole up in my home office and work. Lately, I’ve been making more of an effort to get out of my space for experiences, learning, and human connection. Heading into the city on a rainy Sunday required overcoming some inertia and my discomfort about not measuring up, but I left that beautiful afternoon with renewed enthusiasm about my work-in-progress and a handful of new friends.
In fact, one 2022 study suggests we might want to reframe our thinking about such discomfort. Researchers from Cornell University and the University of Chicago found that if we shift our thinking about feeling awkward or uncomfortable from something that needs to be tolerated to something that we should seek out as an indicator of personal growth, we may feel more motivated and engaged and feel a greater sense of goal achievement. Imagine if we relished running toward the scary things we must do next to get to where we want to go instead of avoiding?
Most people are rooting for you. The formidable group sitting in that apartment stirred a bit of imposter syndrome in me. They all seemed so accomplished. But as we got down to the business of reading, something interesting happened. We were all a little nervous and self-deprecating.
Years ago, a public speaking expert I met told me something that stuck with me: Most people root for you. Think about it: Have you ever walked into a lecture, seminar, or even a conversation with someone and wished for them to embarrass themselves or fail miserably? Unless there’s more to the story, of course not. And even if they did stumble or did not deliver the most scintillating discussion, weren’t you pretty forgiving? Again, chances are that you were.
Everyone in that room was supportive, enthusiastic, and generous with their feedback. They were rooting for me. And if you’re surrounded by people who are not hoping you succeed and are enthusiastic about your progress, you need to find some who are.
Butt-in-the-chair time > creative inspiration. This was more of a takeaway after the fact. Whether you’re writing, painting, or building a business, if you want to make progress toward your goals, you must put in the time. It’s so easy to wait for the timing, inspiration, or circumstances to be perfect. But all that does is delay what you want.
Writers talk about just getting a “shitty first draft” written. Once you have the draft, you can rewrite, edit, and polish to make it better. But if you get stuck in your head because the draft must be perfect right out of the gate, you’re not moving any closer to a finished work. This approach and advice work for many situations in life. I realized I needed to make more progress on my own shitty first draft.
Pushing through my discomfort gave me the boost I needed to keep working on the story I want to tell. And I’m actively looking for more opportunities to grow.
How about you? Is there something you’re avoiding that may yield growth if you just do it? I’d love to hear your stories. (And let's do these things!) Shoot me a note at connect@bloomanywhere.com.
Bloom Drops
Things I want to share with you.
Birding: One day, it happens. You hear an odd chirp or see brightly colored feathers fly by, and you’re suddenly a birder. If you’ve ever wondered what that odd-shaped grey bird is, the folks at the Cornell University Lab of Ornithology have just the app for you. Merlin lets you upload photos or recordings to identify birds by markings or calls. You can even develop your own “life list” of bird sightings.
Helping: You can help blind and low-vision people who need assistance right from your phone. Be My Eyes is an app that allows people to access real-time vision assistance. As a sighted volunteer, you may be asked to describe an item or color, read a label, or help find a dropped item. You can help make the world more accessible to someone who is visually impaired.
