Some Places Just Feel Like Home

Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and find more joy in life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Please send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.

A few weeks ago, I was in Maine for a close family friend’s wedding. As I crossed the border and passed exits for Ogunquit and Wells, then my mother’s hometown of Biddeford, I felt like I was coming home.

I have always felt a sense of connection with New England, especially parts of Massachusetts and Maine. I suppose that’s logical. I was born there and lived in both states during my early childhood. Throughout my childhood, my family returned often for vacations. My parents retained their “New Englander” identities for decades after our family moved to New Jersey.

What has always baffled me is how these places feel like “home” in a way that the place I’ve lived most of my life never has.

No Place Like Home

Don’t get me wrong: I do love many things about New Jersey. Living minutes from the beach, while still being able to get to Manhattan, Philadelphia, or the mountains within a couple of hours is not something I take for granted. Yet I never felt quite the same connection to my official state of residence as I do to those regions to the north. It’s a sense of belonging—even though true New Englanders would consider me “from away” after so long.

I’ve felt a similar connection to a few other places in my life. Central New York is one of them. I spent my college years in Syracuse, New York, and fell in love with the area. My daughter spent her college years slightly southwest in Ithaca, so I spent a lot of time in the area. The other place I felt immediately at home was Paris. (Cliché, I know. But true.)

As I wondered about why we feel more connected to some places than others, I found the work of Matt Biggar, PhD. Biggar is principal and founder of Connected to Place, a consulting firm that advises a range of organizations and government agencies about how to improve communities, the environment, and our quality of life. He is also the author of Connected to Place: Regenerating Nature, Communities, and Local Economies Through Systems Change, which is my latest read.

I asked Biggar the questions about connectedness that had been on my mind. He told me that he tends to look at three facets of connection in particular:

Social connections/relationships: Close relationships with friends, family members, neighbors, or other community members can be powerful anchors in a lonely, disconnected world where we look at our phones an average of 186 times per day. If we’re feeling lonely or isolated, our devices give us a dopamine hit that’s hard to resist.

Community identity: Feeling like you’re part of a community with its own character, routines, and shared spaces is another aspect of connectedness. Chatting with the owner of a local business or saying “hello” to people you recognize as you walk around your neighborhood is the very definition of being part of a community. You belong there. Having access to arts, cultural activities, recreational areas, and safe public spaces can also contribute to community identity, as can involvement through volunteerism and civic engagement.

Connection to nature: The third aspect Biggar referenced is connection to nature, which is good for our well-being. Biggar says he feels a connection to the Sierra Nevada mountains, but it doesn’t take a trip there to realize the benefits. Integrating nature into everyday life—taking a walk past a sidewalk garden or cultivating a balcony garden, for example—can provide restorative benefits and reinforce our connection with a place. He makes the case for having daily, lived relationships with the land through green space, food, and energy.

Biggar’s book provides sound arguments for creating communities that more easily foster connectedness, such as planning walkable, mixed-use communities; emphasizing involvement and investment in civic life and public spaces; and incorporating green spaces and gardens into our living areas.

Searching for Connection

I thought about my conversation with Biggar. It gave me insight into my own lack of connection, but it also left me with more questions about my own experience. I have some great friends here—certainly more than in the places where I feel more belonging. However, my worldview is out of sync with the prevailing attitudes of roughly two-thirds of my town, a fact that has become harder to ignore in the current climate. My career has been exciting and rewarding, but also demanding, which kept me from some volunteer opportunities that may have tethered me more closely, especially when my daughter was young. My memories of some of the places I long for include those close ties from a less divisive time.

I also thought about his comments about community infrastructure and nature. Being near the water gives me some feelings of connection to this area. I have always sought out oceans and lakes as soothing, restorative places, as Biggar seeks out the mountains. However, we live a little off the beaten path with few neighbors, surrounded by farms and suburban sprawl, so I don’t have a downtown or Main Street to exchange friendly chats with shop owners or familiar faces. To a highly extroverted person who works from home alone except for two cats, that sounds heavenly.

When I think about the checklist my husband and I used to pick a town in which to settle, it had few items: Affordability. A little land. Safe. A good school district. Today, that checklist would be much longer and more nuanced. Do the people believe in causes I care about? What makes a "good school?" (Too often, it's code for homogeneity and prioritization of standardized test scores.) Is it walkable with an active town center? What are the opportunities to get involved in civic life? And many others.

Both the interview with Biggar and reading his book have made me reflect on how much more thought should go into planning our communities and choosing the places where we put down roots. As a new empty-nester, the timing of this thought process is fortuitous.

Are You Connected?

Do you feel connected to the place where you live? Are there places that feel more like home than others? I’d love to hear about your experience and what fosters a sense of belonging for you. As always, send your thoughts to connect@bloomanywhere.com.