When Your Superpower Is Your Achilles' Heel, Too

Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and get more joy out of life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here: Bloom Anywhere.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Please send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.

We’re all really good at something. Perhaps you can feed a room full of people a meal they will remember for years. (I know nothing about this.) You might be a business whiz or wise counselor to whom friends and colleagues turn for advice. Maybe you’re the caregiver who makes everyone around you feel nurtured and safe.

If you think about it, you probably have a list of skills and attributes that make you the go-to person to fill certain needs others in your life have. Your superpowers.

Those strengths become a big part of our stories. The clues and cues from those around us—from teachers, friends, and family members during our formative years to colleagues, employers, mentors, and others later in life—shape who we become and, often, what we focus on contributing to the world.

The Power of Our Stories

These personal narratives—our stories—become shorthand for who we are, in our own minds and in others’. They may start with things we're told about ourselves, then reinforced through experiences or proof. In some cases, they become self-fulfilling prophecies. For example, if you were “the smart one” growing up, that belief in your intellect or academic ability may have bolstered your confidence and helped you be more successful in classes and bolder in the courses of study you chose. If you were “the artistic one,” you may have felt freer practicing and taking chances with your creative endeavors. That, in turn, may have made you more skillful, innovative, or brave in how you chose to express yourself, further reinforcing the concept.

When we internalize our stories, they influence how we perceive ourselves, how we respond to situations, and how others see us. If you’re the problem-solver, you might rise to a challenge with less trepidation than someone who doesn’t see themself that way. Purpose-driven narratives like “I’m someone who helps others,” or “I’m making the world a better place,” can even have mental health benefits. Our stories can also become our personal brands. When the story reinforces our goals and aspirations, as well as our strengths, it can become a powerful tool in propelling us forward or upward.

But stories can also be limiting and keep us trapped. When we allow ourselves to be defined in certain ways—even if the story is positive—we may not be allowing ourselves to grow into our full potential. Let’s say a child is told, “You’re not good with numbers.” This may lead the child to avoid or develop self-limiting beliefs about situations involving numbers. They may self-select out of classes that could lead them to careers in education, science, business, or finance. A simple message, adopted early on (often from limited information) could shape a life through myriad choices made based on the resulting story.

Or let’s say your story is that you’re “the caring one.” You’re the one on whom others rely for emotional, physical, or other support. You may find yourself the default caregiver, even when others could just as easily take on some of those responsibilities. (We know that one in four people is a family caregiver, providing an average of 27 hours per week of care, and nearly a quarter provide 40+ hours per week of care.)

So, while being “the nurturing one” or “the reliable one” can deliver those positive mental health benefits, that narrative can also lead to being locked into roles that do not serve you anymore, or which actually harm you, because they are aligned with your story. Self-narratives can morph into identity-based constraints that hold you back.

Rewriting Limiting Stories

The moral of the story? Keep tabs on how you’re using your powers. Regularly check in with yourself and ask questions. How are they playing out in your life? Are they causing you pain? If so, it may be a sign that you need to challenge—or maybe even fully rewrite—your story. Your strength doesn’t create an obligation, especially if it’s creating a situation that causes harm.

• Just because you’re the family organizer, you don’t need to take on all of the (thankless) family organizing.
• Just because you’re the office “tech wizard,” you don’t have to sacrifice your work time to help others figure out their computer issues.
• Just because you’re the nurturing one, you don’t need to do all of the caregiving.
• Just because you’re “the smart one” doesn’t mean that you can’t be “the creative one,” “the funny one,” and/or “the adventurous one,” too.

Your story is the one you create, and you can choose to change parts or all of it at any time. When you feel yourself butting up against a constraint, explore what’s happening. Is it real? Or is it part of your story? If the latter, you can work on rewriting that narrative to allow for more growth. (And even if it is “real”—you’re facing physical, financial, situational, or other limitations—workarounds or options may exist.) Realize that you can't do everything. Ask for help. Take advantage of resources that are available to you. And, when you need to, say "no."

What's Your Story?

Think about the story of who you believe you are. Is that story fresh, accurately depicting what you feel and want? Or is it outdated, misleading, limiting, or even painful? Think about the ways you define yourself and whether they are aligned with where you’re going in your life and who you want to be. If your story needs updating, that’s an exciting opportunity to explore who you are now, how you’ve changed over time, and what you want next. I’d love to hear how your story is changing. If you’d like to share, send me an email to connect@bloomanywhere.com.

Bloom Drops

Things I want to share with you.

Testing: Sometimes, getting objective input about your strengths and attributes can be helpful to self-understanding and/or bolstering or debunking our stories. There is an entire industry of assessments and tests that help us identify our strengths, skills, preferences, and personality types. We can use that information to choose careers or even help us understand and interact with others more effectively. But keep in mind that they are only tools and may not tell the whole story.