Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and get more joy out of life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here: Bloom Anywhere.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.
In the face of a big decision or opportunity, the prevailing wisdom is often, “Listen to your gut.” The advice sounds as if some omniscient being hanging out in the Jacuzzi of our stomach acid is ready to dispense guidance like some parasitic Dear Abby.
I’m not saying that “listen to your gut” is bad advice in and of itself. But we often have more than one voice chiming in on the big stuff, and not all of them are giving us the counsel we need. Before listening to that internal voice, it’s important to ensure it’s the one serving us—the one combining our intuition, hard-won wisdom, and lessons from experience and screw-ups into the right influence on our actions.
Finding the Wisest Voice
Here’s an example of what I’m talking about: A number of years ago, I was approached to ghostwrite a book for a successful entrepreneur. Our initial call was pleasant enough, and the project was interesting. There were a few red flags, but nothing I hadn’t dealt with before. Then, midway through the call, I got uneasy. A voice, as clear as if it was spoken by someone standing next to me, said, “Don’t do this.”
But it was early in my ghosting career. The project was lucrative, and I couldn’t point to a good reason to turn it down other than that voice. So, I agreed to write the book.
Within weeks of starting, the project began to fall apart. The red flags I had noticed during the first call became real obstacles. The client couldn’t meet deadlines and had a hard time articulating what he wanted. Ultimately, the project died, and we parted ways. Clearly, my inner voice was right, but I overruled it.
More recently, a friend and colleague reached out to me to be a contributing writer on a popular podcast. My inner voice delivered—screamed, actually—a litany of reasons why I shouldn’t say “yes.”
- You’ve never written a scripted podcast before.
- You might not be good at it.
- It’s too late in your career to do something new.
- You’re too busy for this kind of learning curve.
This voice was making some valid points. It was a busy time in my career. I hadn’t done much of this type of writing before—and there was a possibility that I wouldn’t be good at it. (But it was wrong about being “too old.” That’s not a thing.)
Based on previous experience, I could have trusted the loudest inner voice. But another quieter voice was excited about the opportunity—about learning something new and working on this dynamic project with my friend. So, I agreed to do it. I learned the intricacies of writing for audio and was a contributing writer for four years until the podcast ended. I met some incredible new contacts, and this work improved my storytelling in other formats, too. And, for better or worse, I learned that I’m pretty good at Dad jokes.
Decoding Your Inner Voices’ Agendas
A form of therapy called Internal Family Systems (IFS) is based on the theory that we are all systems of inner parts that serve different roles, led by a core self. (Note: I am not an expert in this area or a mental health professional. Please consult a mental health professional to learn more about IFS or find out if this form of therapy may be right for you.) Those parts are formed at various stages of our lives and serve different purposes. Some are comforting. Some create drive or ambition. Some are fearful and timid, often as a means of protection. But the core self is the whole, one that is greater than the sum of the parts.
And that’s the voice with the good stuff.
My wise self recognized the incompatibility of my work style and the client’s on the book project. It also shushed the fearful part trying to protect me from the risks of stretching into the podcast opportunity instead pushing me to take a chance and learn something new.
Of course, taking or turning down a work project is pretty low-stakes overall. However, the principles of listening to your inner voice are similar, even as the decisions get bigger and the stakes get higher. So, the practice of calming the protective voices and listening to the wise one can start with minor decisions to get in practice for the bigger ones.
The process of change—from finding a new place to live or work to changing your life in other ways—may trigger a litany of internal chatter. Some voices may be hyper-critical, telling you the reasons why what you’re considering is impossible to protect you from pain, shame, or failure. Some may be fear-based, keeping you from real or perceived risks or danger. Some may have other motivations.
So, before you "trust your gut," ask yourself: Am I listening to the right voice?
Practice focusing on finding the voice that speaks for your wise self. For clues, ask questions about it. Why is it directing you a particular way? What's the motivation or fear behind it? Does this direction align with your values or best interests? With practice, it's easier to find the right voice. That's not to say it won't hold some measure of fear, concern, excitement, and other emotions that the other voices echo. However, your "gut" voice is the one that considers the bigger picture and can help guide you to make the best decisions.
How good are you at listening to your gut? I’d love to continue this discussion. Share with me at connect@bloomanywhere.com. I’d also love to hear anything you want to see covered in a future newsletter.
Bloom Drops
Bits of everything I want to share with you.
Reading: As a Gen Xer, I couldn’t wait to get Ione Sky’s new memoir Say Everything. In it, she’s very open about her life as a young star in the ‘80s and ‘90s. Some parts are fun, and some are painful, but I like looking back on that era through her eyes. Listen to the audio version if you want to hear her read it herself.
Breathing: Piles of research tell us how our breath can affect our stress levels and overall health. Sometimes, I need to be reminded to stop and take in a deep breath or few. This Calm graphic is all about breath cadence with no irritating voices or sounds to deal with. Just breathe!
Loving: It’s the most wonderful time of the year: March Madness, also known as the NCAA basketball tournament. I’m a sucker for the stories of hard work and sacrifice that got the athletes to participate in the tournament—a long-held dream for many. Let’s goooo!
