This Holiday Season, Declare Your Independence From Over-the-Top Expectations

Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and find more joy in life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here: Bloom Anywhere.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Please send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.

I have a beef with Norman Rockwell.

“That kindly man who made all of those sweet paintings of Americana and died in 1978?” you may ask.

Yes. That’s the guy.

Don’t get me wrong: He was undeniably a great talent as an artist and illustrator. His Christmas-themed work is synonymous with holiday perfection. It's a high compliment when someone says your family photo looks like “a Norman Rockwell painting.”

Of course, in the wake of such admiration, there’s rarely a mention that 30 seconds after the idyllic image was snapped, the smoke alarm went off because the rolls were burning, the dog’s wagging tail swiped your homemade hummus onto the floor, your sister spilled a river of red wine on your hand-embroidered linen tablecloth, and Uncle Jack began sharing his armchair political punditry for all to enjoy. The unrelenting pressure to have the perfect holiday doesn't allow for such realities.

Faux-la-la-la-la

I sat down to write this newsletter thinking that I would focus on how difficult the holidays can be even in the best of circumstances. I paused to look unsuccessfully for an image of Rockwell’s work to use as an illustration. That’s when I came across this article on Sotheby’s website entitled, “How Norman Rockwell Created the Modern American Christmas.” The piece shares how Rockwell’s commissioned illustrations and paintings in ads and publications like The Saturday Evening Post came to have such widespread influence and shaped how so many view Christmastime. (While Rockwell addressed civil rights issues with works like The Problem We All Live With and others, his holiday paintings and illustrations weren’t particularly inclusive.)

But here’s the kicker: much of it was staged.

The piece describes how, as he progressed in his career, Rockwell would spend hours choosing the right props and models for images like Tired Salesgirl on Christmas Eve. Then, he carefully arranged the scene while photographers snapped away. He then worked on his art from the photographs. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, given the realistic nature of Rockwell’s work, it’s important to understand these images—considered so representative of holiday aspirations—were created as carefully as tradwife influencer content of impeccably kept homes and immaculate children produced by a whole staff working behind the scenes.

Your holidays, your way

This time of year can be hard. Expectations center around festive décor, happy family gatherings with spectacular meals, and oh-so-perfect gifts. At the same time, while we’re supposed to be in the celebratory spirit of the season, many feel loneliness, loss, or longing more acutely than ever.

For me, last holiday season was a tough one. Our adult child was spending three weeks on the opposite coast. For the first time in more than 20 years, we wouldn’t be together for Christmas or to ring in the new year. While we have a wide circle of family and friends, I worried that our core family holiday traditions just wouldn’t be the same.

They weren’t. Instead of spending Christmas Eve frantically wrapping presents, my husband enjoyed a quiet evening at home, and I volunteered at a warming center for unhoused people, where I made some new friends. On Christmas morning, instead of waking up early and bleary-eyed out of habit, we slept in, then had a leisurely breakfast. Later that day, well-rested, we joined family members for dinner. The slower pace had little to do with our daughter’s absence. It was about how we chose to spend our time. And our holidays turned out to be pretty great, despite missing our daughter.

And that’s the point. Embracing new traditions and experiences, spending your time differently, and letting go of the way things used to be can be enormously freeing and help alleviate some of the sadness, disappointment, or other complex emotions that this time of year seems to cultivate. Those manufactured social media (and Rockwellian) images notwithstanding, the holidays can look any way you want them to—and you may find that doing something unexpected or embracing an “imperfect” holiday can be more enjoyable and satisfying than you ever imagined—even if it looks nothing like a Rockwell painting.

Think about what will make you happy this season and make that a gift to yourself. (If you have unusual holiday traditions or activities, I’d love to hear about them. Send me an email at connect@bloomanywhere.com.)

Bloom Drops

Things I want to share with you.

Connecting: If you need help overcoming social isolation and loneliness, there are some resources that can help. AARP’s Friendly Voice lets you request a call from a trained professional volunteer who is eager to chat with you. Find out more here. The national Crisis Text Line is also available to people who are feeling lonely and need connection. Text CONNECT to 741741 to chat instantly with a live, trained volunteer Crisis Counselor. Find out more here. The nonprofit Foundation for Social Connection Action Network has a page with links to groups, resources, and content to help people overcome loneliness and social isolation. Check it out here.