I'm Not a Fan of Fauxlidays. But Maybe They Serve a Purpose.

Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and find more joy in life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here: Bloom Anywhere.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Please send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.

I have long disliked Mother’s Day. Before I became a mother myself, I remember the pain and anxiety the run-up to May’s second Sunday caused friends who dealt with infertility or whose mothers had died or were estranged. Once I became a mother, the day seemed to be an exhausting to-do list, designed to fulfill everyone else’s expectations. And once my mother died, it became an annual pastel-hued, flower-filled reminder of enormous loss.

It’s not just Mother’s Day. I feel the same about most fauxlidays—Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Grandparents’ Day, and now social-media-fueled observances of Sons Day, Daughters Day, National Golden Retriever Day, and so on. To me, they feel like commercial exploitation of love. Spend money to show how much you care! Show off! Post photos of that beautiful partner/family/pet! See how #blessed?! It all feels unnecessary, hurtfully braggadocious, and exclusionary. After all, if you’re not showing your people how loved and appreciated they are on a regular basis, what good is a once-a-year observance going to do?

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A Not-So-Little Prayer

Maybe it’s the state of the world and the hate, division, and derision that seem to be everywhere. Maybe it was the wretched insomnia I had the night before. Maybe it was the way my phone started blowing up with “Happy Mother’s Day” messages as I sipped my coffee, or the homemade pumpkin scones baking in the oven. But this year, my hardened, Grinchy, anti-fauxliday shell began to crack. When I received a text from a family friend’s teen daughter, who shares my love of reading and with whom I’d exchanged book recommendations last year, the rest of my “Bah, humbug” attitude fell away. She had absolutely no reason to think of me on this day. But she did, and she wished me well.

Every act, word, text, and bite of food was part of a widespread expression of love happening in households near and far. En masse, people were pouring out their thanks, appreciation, and affection. They were thinking of the mothers in their lives—biological, adopted, aunties, uncles, mother-ish figures, mothering forces—and sending their love. Even for those who have trouble expressing their emotions, this day offers a wide-open runway to do so, with guardrails and assistance. On this day, expressing love is not awkward. It’s expected. When you drop the trappings, unnecessary spending, and unrealistic expectations, Mother’s Day and the others are really enormous gratitude prayers for the love we’ve received in our lives.

Instead of starting the day with cynicism, I kept my heart open to the love that was coming my way. A delicious breakfast. Heartfelt conversations. Well-wishes from people in my life who love me. Sitting outside, by myself, enjoying the sunlight on my face. Later in the day, having dinner with a cherished friend. Simple pleasures. What remarkable gifts that made my own heart so very full.

I’m not saying that I’ll embrace these days entirely. There are still too many unreasonable expectations, too much commercialism, and too much bragging. I hold space in my heart for everyone who finds them painful for whatever reason. At the same time, if the world needs more love—and it does; it surely does—perhaps fauxlidays serve as reminders to help us get there.

How Do You Feel About Fauxlidays?

I know people who love Mother’s Day and other such observances. Where do you fall? Have you found a way to turn around a hurtful day and make it your own? I’d love to hear. Send me an email to connect@bloomanywhere.com.