I'm Terrible at Thank-You Notes—Except This Kind

Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and get more joy out of life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here: Bloom Anywhere.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Please send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.

I consider myself a polite person. I hold open doors and look people in the eye when I’m speaking with them. I say, “Please” when I ask for something. I try to be courteous and aware of others’ needs. But there is one area where I’m chronically ill-mannered.

Thank-you notes.

I can’t say exactly what it is, but I am not good at and don’t like writing them, and often don’t. I may dash off a text or even call to acknowledge receipt of something, but sitting down to pen or type a note expressing my gratitude—even when deeply felt—triggers resistance. Again, I can’t explain it. I’m not proud of it. In fact, with the work I’ve done around the importance and impact of gratitude and its role in our well-being, I should know better. There’s even research about how much it means to the recipients.

But a few years ago, I started writing thank-you notes of a different sort. The practice has been deeply gratifying.

Giving Thanks

The practice started one day when I was scrolling through LinkedIn. I saw a post from an editor who took a chance on me when I was a bright green newbie freelance writer. Suddenly, I was filled with warmth and gratitude when I saw his name.

Don’t get me wrong—at first, this guy shredded my writing. He was not afraid to send back manuscripts so red with tracked changes, they looked like crime scenes. But even when he made a heavy edit, he was endlessly patient and never unkind. Once I got over feeling sorry for myself, I took the time to read and internalize his comments and changes, which never failed to make the work better. Over time, the drafts came back cleaner and cleaner. His mentoring, editing, and faith in me helped me become a better writer.

Over the years, as he moved on to new roles—four, I believe—he took me along with him. He shared my name with other editors with whom he worked. More than two decades after I started working with him, he helped me land one of my favorite gigs.

So, I pulled up his email address and sent him a note, thanking him, specifically, for the things he had done to help me along the way. I received a warm note back. It was a meaningful exchange.

Continuing the Gratitude

Since then, I have made it a point to send such notes to people who have truly helped, encouraged, or otherwise affected me in my life. These notes aren’t triggered by the receipt of a gift or a favor done. I write them when someone crosses my mind, and I feel that wave of gratitude.

• A friend who was a tremendous source of strength when I was undergoing cancer treatments
• Another client who has helped me beyond description over the years
• A writer pal who has served as a mentor and role model for me
• A friend with whom I’d lost touch, who meant very much to me when I was younger

Sometimes, I write them by hand and mail them. Other times, I send them by email. People may disagree, but I believe that it’s the sentiment more than the format that matters.

Including What Counts

​Like apologies, getting a “thank you” right can be tricky. Simply saying “thanks” isn’t enough. I believe, for these notes to be effective, folks need to understand that what they did truly mattered and had a lasting impact. That requires a few ingredients: First, they need to be heartfelt. I write them when I am truly moved by the thought of someone. Second, I am very specific about the reasons for my gratitude, explaining what they did and why it mattered to me, as well as the impact it had on me. Finally, I say a heartfelt “thank you.” After all, that’s the point.

I do regret that I have irked some of my loved ones or worse by my “thank you” notes’ absence or informality. However, I am vowing to write more of these “big picture” notes because they foster the types of connections I want to have in my life. One of our most fundamental needs is to feel like our actions, work, and existence matter. These notes validate for some of the most influential people we’ve met along the way that they do.

Thanking your MVPs

Beyond the obvious ones, do you have most valuable people (MVPs) who deserve some thanks? Think about digging deep and telling them why they mattered to you. If you do so—or have received such a note—I’d love to hear about it. Please reach out at connect@bloomanywhere.com.

Bloom Drops

Things I want to share with you.

Thanking. If you’re a better note-writer than I, you might be interested in a few resources to find pretty or clever stationery. I love buying note cards from The Metropolitan Museum of Art or the Museum of Modern Art. But a few other options you may like include: Minted, which works with independent artists to create stationery products. Or The Kindness Cause, which donates a portion of proceeds to charitable causes. (I have not independently verified this.)

Gifting. Recently, someone I love dearly had a milestone birthday. He is a foodie, so I poked around to see if any of his favorite chefs had a signed cookbook for sale. The French Laundry has a lovely online store, and Chef Thomas Keller’s team couldn’t have been more accommodating, helping me get the signed book in time for the birthday despite the chef’s travels. (Ugh…I probably owe them a thank-you note!)

You could do this for any interest—authors and their teams may be eager to work with you to get a signed copy or a signed book plate (stickers the author signs that are affixed to the book). So, whether your loved one adores a particular author, region, or hobby, you can often find an option that works.