Superwoman Has a Secret

Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and get more joy out of life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here: Bloom Anywhere.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Please send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.

Last week, my work took me to New York City to meet with a client. Early in my career, I worked in Manhattan, and on the ride in, I marveled that I used to make that trek every day. Sometimes, it was tiring, but nothing I couldn’t handle.

Lately, the situation has been a little different. In the days leading up to my meeting, I worried. As someone who lives with chronic pain and a condition called lipedema, which affects my mobility, I must factor in a few concerns that weren’t issues when I was in my “invincible” 20s: Will the day I need to go in be a “good” day—or not?

On good days, I can keep up, walk miles without issue, and sit in meetings without wincing. I am Superwoman. On bad days, despite a regular swimming regimen that has me logging as much as a mile in the pool regularly, I’m nowhere near as mobile. When I’m working from home, it’s not an issue. I have the accommodations I need to put in a full day’s work and then some, even when I’m not feeling great.

However, bad days can make everything more challenging, especially outside my typical surroundings. Commuting or walking long distances and standing for long periods in transit lines can leave me in significant pain. For someone who has powered through everything from a C-section to chemotherapy, barely missing a beat, this part of my identity can be hard to reconcile.

Kryptonite on the Inside

Roughly one in three adults between the ages of 18 and 64 has a chronic illness, according to Georgetown University’s Health Policy Institute. People who live with so-called “invisible illnesses”—health issues, including chronic pain, which aren’t readily visible to others—walk a fine line. I work with brilliant, talented people. I’m good at my job. But I worry that, if I disclose such challenges, they’ll see me differently or not consider me for some opportunities. No one wants to be seen as the “weak link” or the one that others need to worry about—especially when they kick ass at their jobs with minor adjustments.

During the pandemic, I wrote about how remote workers were more productive and worked longer hours than their in-office counterparts. I also wrote a story about the “hidden” reasons why people didn’t want to return to their offices. One woman I interviewed dealt with chronic pain and sleep issues after a serious accident. She had been having a hard time at work because of her sleepiness. But she thrived when she could take better control of her day as a remote worker, using her lunch hour to grab a nap (something that may be good for many of us). Her reviews got better, and her boss was thrilled. Did it matter that she occasionally needed a nap or to start her day a bit later? Clearly not. She was crushing it when she could make the accomodation she needed.

Spoon Theory Insights

Christine Miserandino, a woman living with lupus, developed the Spoon Theory to explain what it’s like to need to manage energy levels with chronic illness or pain. While many people have vast amount of energy to distribute throughout the day, she explains, people who live with such issues may only have 12. They need to determine how to “spend” that energy when everything from taking a shower to delivering a big presentation takes more than one spoonful of energy. When you’ve got a high-stakes meeting or event and you start to figure out if you’ll have limitations and how you’ll compensate for them, it’s anxiety-producing.

At the same time, there are some distinct benefits to being with people in person. I love visiting my clients. It makes my extroverted heart so happy. We strengthen relationships, have easier conversations, and it’s just fun. This meeting was very productive, and I left energized and exceedingly grateful for the remarkable people I am fortunate to work with. I was so glad I went. However, on the walk to the ferry, the pain started. When I was waiting in line to board, my pain must have shown on my face because the man behind me said he would hold my place in line if I wanted to sit. I thought I was hiding it well. (Thank you for your kindness, fellow ferry rider!)

My pain and periodic mobility issues have nothing to do with my talent and commitment to my work. In an ideal world, we would normalize discussing such challenges and making plans to accommodate them without stigma. Workplace accommodations for individuals with chronic conditions could reduce absenteeism, improve productivity, and even yield a return on investment, according to research.

Do You Live With Your Own Personal Kryptonite?

Are you among the third of adults between 18 and 64 who live with chronic illness or pain? How do you balance those challenges with the demands of work and life? I’d love to hear your solutions and resources so we may share them in a future newsletter to help others. Please reach out at connect@bloomanywhere.com.

Bloom Drops

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Giving: Have you heard of a giving circle? They are funds where groups of people pool their money and make bigger donations with greater impact. Research by Philanthropy Together found that the number of giving circles tripled between 2016 and 2023. Here is an article I wrote explaining them.