Why We Should Act Like Every Day Is A Celebration of Life

Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and get more joy out of life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here: Bloom Anywhere.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Please send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve attended two celebrations of life and a wake. During each event, the people who loved the deceased most—spouses, immediate family, friends, co-workers, relatives, and others—stood at the front of beautifully decorated rooms and told poignant or funny stories through tears, laughter, or a combination of both. They shared how much they loved these individuals and how much they would miss them.

At these gatherings, I saw people dear to me whom I haven’t seen in far too long. We joked about how we “have to stop meeting like this”—our most common get-togethers lately have been when someone dies. We made promises to schedule lunches or dinners soon.

What's Left Unsaid

As I left the last celebration of life, I felt melancholy. Of course, I was sad about the loss of the person who had died. But I was also sad about how all-consuming some of the less important parts of life had become—and how they eat up time that should be spent on things like dinners with loved ones and telling people how we feel. Wouldn’t our dear ones have loved these gatherings of their favorite people? Wouldn’t one have loved to hear how his longtime friend always considered him a mentor? Wouldn’t another have howled with laughter along with the rest of us at his childhood best friend’s mock offense at an overblown and out-of-character slight?

As I listened to the beautiful remarks, some more artful and eloquent than others, but each as heartfelt as the next, I had a constant feeling: I wish the person were here to hear what was being said.

I’ve written previously about how I write in-depth “thank-you” notes to people who have helped me along my life and career path. But these experiences also made me think that we need to take time to share the content of those farewell speeches with each other before one of us isn’t around to hear it.

The Price of Waiting Too Long

These experiences also brought up some guilt from years ago. I went to elementary school with a young girl who was routinely bullied. This was back in the ‘70s and ‘80s, before “zero tolerance” banners hung in school hallways. We weren’t friends, but we were always friendly. I remember that, for one of our class assignments, she demonstrated an egg salad recipe that I still use to this day.

We reconnected through social media. We caught up online and shared our fond memories of each other. I learned that her life had not been easy, but I enjoyed the periodic chit-chat we had online. Then, she shared publicly that she had been diagnosed with cancer.

I kept meaning to visit her, but my life was busy, and I didn’t make it a priority. I didn’t know that she had been hospitalized. Then, her brother announced online that she had died.

What could have been more important than making time to visit her? Cleaning the house? Hitting another deadline? I deeply regret not scheduling that visit.

As I chatted with dear longtime friends at the event, and promised those dinners and lunches, I was reminded of Lisa and my regret. I resolved to tell people not only that I love, admire, and appreciate them, but why. Specifically. Honestly. And with the funny and poignant stories that are the hallmarks of our relationships.

Being so vulnerable can be awkward or challenging. But it is better to feel a little embarrassed or uncomfortable than to wait for a funeral to say things that should have been said years ago.

I’ll also be scheduling overdue dinners and lunches, just as I promised.

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Bloom Drops

Things I want to share with you.

Memorializing: If you’re looking for a creative and planet-friendly way to honor someone’s life, consider planting trees in memory or in celebration of their life. The Arbor Day Foundation has various options. Trees pull carbon from the atmosphere and reduce global temperatures to slow climate change.

Reading: I’m overdue starting it, but I’ve just dived into the bestselling book, The Flipside: How to Invert Your Perspective and Turn Fear Into Your Superpower. We could all use a bit of this. It’s by former U.S. Air Force fighter pilot Michelle “MACE” Curran and her ghostwriter (and my bestie), Jen Singer. I’m with Gayle King on loving the first line: “I can fly an F-16 fighter jet upside down, but I’m afraid of spiders.”