Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and get more joy out of life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here: Bloom Anywhere.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Please send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.
Last Tuesday, I spent the evening in a cabaret theater on Manhattan’s 42nd Street and watched a 72-year-old woman get naked.
The woman was a longtime friend and my personal writing (and pretty much everything else) hero, Pamela Redmond, who was performing her one-woman show “Old Woman Naked” at the Laurie Beechman Theatre. During the performance, Pam shared stories about her life—stories that were resonant and relatable for most women. And, yes, by the end, she was naked. The performance was real, raw, hilarious, and poignant. Brilliant.
The word "inspiration" is thrown around a lot, but that's what Pam is to me. When I learned that she sold her first novel at 50 and that she had launched a successful internet business (Nameberry) at 55, taking it on "Shark Tank" this year. When she moved to LA and started a new life. When, at 60, her novel "Younger" was adapted into a wildly successful seven-season TV show starring Sutton Foster and Hillary Duff. And, again, nearly two weeks ago, when she was a "Jeopardy!" clue.
A Bumpy Road
As I left the theater, I felt like Pam’s performance was exactly what I needed. I’ve shared previously that I’m working on my own personal projects—including this newsletter (seven months old already!) and a novel. The accountability group my friend started has been a good catalyst for making progress on my manuscript. I was feeling good about all of it.
In the following days, I hit a pothole. A few, actually.
Work was busy, so I missed my pool time and accountability sessions. Caregiving and life responsibilities added to my time management challenges and mental load. I fed my feelings with junk food. Tired, with processed carbs and chemicals for fuel, I felt the stirrings of imposter syndrome and general ick.
I was in the mindset that resulted from that ill-advised combination when I got word of a colleague’s good news. And I was hit with a wave of envy that felt like it knocked me over. It affected my mood for days.
The Naked Truth
Extroverts like me process our feelings by talking them out. But, for some reason, that wasn’t working. What made this more confusing and frustrating is that I am truly not prone to envy. I am typically genuinely happy for friends and colleagues when they have good news. (There's plenty of success for everyone.) Why was I feeling this way?
So, I went to the pool and had a vigorous swim, I did some meditation, and dipped back into skills I had learned from sessions with the philosopher Sam Keen and Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. I “went inside” and surveyed my inner emotional landscape. What was I truly feeling and why? What were the “parts” of me that were agitated trying to tell me?
The more I meditated and focused on the messages, the more I realized that what I felt wasn’t envy. I was truly happy for my colleague. Once I peeled away the layers, I realized I was angry and frustrated with myself and my circumstances. I was diverting time that I had planned to use working toward my goals and using it to prioritize other demands, putting my dreams on hold. Again. That's why talking about my feelings had been frustrating. I wasn't focused on the right feelings.
There aren’t easy solutions for what I’m facing now. Caregiving is a big job with a mental load that continues after the immediate demands are satisfied. I have built a successful business, and that has its own needs. There are other obligations and challenges that take up my time and resources. And dealing with chronic pain means that neither of those is in the abundant supply it once was. However, now that I’ve identified my true feelings, I can take steps to address them and get my life back in alignment. I can enforce my priorities and take better care of myself. And I can stop feeling defensive because I characterized myself wrongly.
So, onward. Once again, I'm using Pam as a role model. I’m summoning my inner badass to keep moving relentlessly toward the next creation. I will celebrate my wins—and others'—and keep naming and feeling my feelings so I can address them and what they're telling me. I will stay open to the infinite possibilities waiting around the corner and do the work to be prepared when they present themselves in their full, naked glory.
Bloom Drops
Things I want to share with you.
Laughing: Devin Linder’s Instagram post distilling three years of therapy into 60 seconds is worth a watch. While this is obvious, I feel the need to state for the record that this is good for a laugh, but will not replace the incredible work that good therapists do. Thank you to the tireless mental health professionals who help people do the work.
Healing: I’ve mentioned Calm here before. I like the company’s free resources, which are housed on YouTube and address issues like anxiety, grief, low mood, and negative thoughts. They can be good triage when you’re stuck in your feelings and can’t get out.
