Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and get more joy out of life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here: Bloom Anywhere.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Please send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.
One of the benefits of getting a little older is that, ideally, we get to know ourselves better. But there’s one thing that I’ve known about myself for a very long time: If I’m forced to do something, every fiber of my being becomes a knot of resistance.
This is probably why I’m so much better as an independent contractor than as an employee. I will turn myself into a pretzel to deliver the highest level of service to my clients. Even when the demands are high. Even when they may be a tad beyond reasonable. It’s fine because it’s my choice. But the minute I am required to request permission for a day off or do as someone else asks or risk losing my job, I begin to get salty.
Get Accountable
With that inner rebel ready to pounce at a moment’s notice, the concept of an accountability partner or system has always been a little shaky for me. I’ve written about how accountability can help move you toward your goals. I’ve had accountability partners in the past—folks with whom I’ve checked in regularly as I’ve tried to achieve one thing or another. Even groups like Weight Watchers and 12-step programs are built on foundations of unvarnished accountability.
A few weeks ago, I shared with you that I had been on a writers' retreat and felt so excited and prolific. I added many words—good words—to my manuscript. Progress!
At first, after I got home, I worked on the file for a little while each day. Then, every other day. Then, it was just an open Word tab on my laptop. Then, the file went dormant again.
My friend Caren Chesler (who writes Suburban Diary, a newsletter I love and have mentioned before) started an accountability group for writers. The concept is simple: She opens a Zoom window for roughly one hour at a certain time each weekday. Participants pay $25 monthly for access (the money is donated to charity). Log on during that time with your camera and mic off and write.
I signed up in late August, but never logged on. First, I was recovering from a bit of surgery. Then, I was super busy with work. Then, it felt like I’d waited too long, and I felt silly. I had lots of reasons and excuses, some valid, some silly.
Last Friday, I had been at my desk early, head down on a few projects. I noticed that the Zoom had already started. Ah, too late, I thought to myself. Then, I recognized my “all or nothing” thinking and decided to just go for it. I was tired of not following through, tired of feeling guilty about another week where I’d failed to participate and make progress on my manuscript. I clicked the link and was admitted to the Zoom session. The other participants’ screens were dark—no cameras or mics. No “hellos.” I opened up my manuscript and got to work. It took me less than an hour of focused writing to finish a deeply personal scene that had been dogging me since the retreat.
Boy, that felt good. What had I been waiting for? I’ll be participating regularly. I don’t anticipate that I’ll always get as much done as I did last week, but it was a nice way to get motivated to work on my novel again.
Finding the Right Kind of Accountability
There are a few reasons Caren’s group worked for me. The $25 monthly fee is enough to make me feel guilty if I don’t participate. Also, there is no time wasted on pleasantries. Everyone logs on dark. There are no greetings, no chit-chat. (For this extrovert, this would likely eat up half that time.) And there are a few “rules.” No pressure to show up daily. No strict time limits. Choice is woven into the accountability.
While this works for me, others may need a more structured or strict accountability routine. I know some folks succeed by scheduling regular meetings with a goal buddy or reporting progress or metrics regularly to an app. Some prefer a coach who can help them strategize how to overcome obstacles. In some cases, accountability comes from a sponsor or therapist. And the form matters, too. Do you need someone to check in with (e.g., setting goals and discussing challenges), or do you need someone to complete a task with you (e.g., an exercise buddy who will meet you for workouts)?
As with any routine or structure, you need to be sure the method of accountability you choose works for you, your personality, and your circumstances. Let’s say you’re going through a chaotic time in your life. Working with an accountability partner may add another list of things to your overwhelming to-do list. Or it may just be what you need to keep you grounded and focused. Only you will know what’s right for you.
However, some measure of accountability is almost always a good idea. Having a mechanism where we check in—whether with ourselves or someone else—keeps us honest and helps ensure we’re moving in the right direction.
How Can I Help?
Last week, I asked what you’d like to see covered in Bloom Anywhere, and several of you sent thoughtful, interesting responses. Thank you! So, I’m putting the question out there again: What would you like to see covered in a future issue? I’ll do my best to get your topic into rotation soon. Send an email to connect@bloomanywhere.com.
Thanks again for all of the warm responses to this newsletter. This community is so important to me, and I want to do my best for you. Have a wonderful week!
Bloom Drops
Things I want to share with you.
Finding an accountability buddy. This NPR piece on why accountability “buddies” work and how to find one may be useful if you are looking for a partner to keep you on track. And my pal, Stephanie Vozza, wrote this piece on how to be your own accountability partner.
Relishing autumn: We are officially in autumn, friends. It’s my favorite time of year. Chilly evenings. Changing leaves (in my part of the world). I found this piece on the autumnal equinox interesting. It’s by Joe Rao, who is a guest lecturer at the Hayden Planetarium. Hope you do, too.
