Living Through My Swiss Cheese Era

Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and find more joy in life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here: Bloom Anywhere.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Please send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.

The ability to draw breath and feel life in all its magnificence, beauty, horror, love, and pain is confoundingly easy to take for granted—especially when it gets hard. And it’s hard in different ways at different stages.

And it’s hard right now. My father has dementia and is in end-stage congestive heart failure. His health has taken a turn for the worse. We’ve had to make some hard decisions as we navigate this heartbreaking period of his life.

People who care for both aging parents and growing children are called “the Sandwich Generation.” That’s not quite me anymore. My child has turned into a remarkable grown-up. She has everything I wished for her and fretted about. So, I can’t really say that I’m in that Sandwich era anymore. My father requires care, but he is in a skilled nursing facility so his many medical needs can be met.

When you’ve created a rich life for yourself, filled with some combination of family, career, friendships, volunteering, spiritual practice, health and mental health care, and other facets that demand time and attention, there are times when one part demands more of you than you can comfortably give. And when several facets depend on you, managing that imbalance without leaving some area neglected feels impossible.

It’s the “Swiss Cheese Era.”

Is Swiss Thing On?

First, a food science lesson: When Swiss cheese ripens, it undergoes a fermentation process in which microbes release carbon dioxide into the cheese. These little pressure pockets create the cheese’s distinctive holes. Depending on the cheese maker, holes may vary in size, but the process contributes to the cheese’s flavor. Sometimes you can see the holes immediately, and other times, you may find a wheel that appears perfectly smooth on the outside. But take a slice, and there they are.

For me, the biggest struggle of this time of life is the size and ratio of the holes. Obviously, my father needs (and deserves) attention and care. That’s a big pressure bubble. There are others, too: I am self-employed in an industry that is undergoing tremendous turmoil and change. I need to serve my existing clients well and find new ones. My daughter may soon be moving far away, so the luxury of having easy access to time with her will soon end, and I want to make the most of what I have left. I deal with chronic pain from an autoimmune disorder, which is its own pressure bubble. The size of the bubbles varies from day to day, but they’re all there. (And, while it’s self-inflicted, discussing the bubbles publicly creates its own pressure bubble, especially being self-employed.)

I’ve taken this metaphor too far, but bear with me. We may have several critically important life facets competing for our attention at the same time. When they’re pushed out of balance, the pressure can be uncomfortable and exhausting. It can leave us feeling like we’re not doing anything 100 percent—like our lives are filled with holes. Unlike other eras, it's not related to age. Your Swiss Cheese Era can happen throughout your life, and it can happen more than once.

So, as you deal with your pressure bubbles, know that you’re not alone. They’re not flaws. They’re flavor. And, over time, they shape us and make us who we are as people.

Share your caregiving or pressure bubble stories with me at connect@bloomanywhere.com. We're in this together.

Bloom Drops

Caregiving: Are you in the role of caregiver to an aging parent or relative? My friend, Alexandra Free, wrote an extremely helpful guide to all of it: From Zero to Zen shortens the learning curve for those who are suddenly thrust into the role of caregiver. Another great resource is AARP’s Caregiving hub. You can also call 211 to be connected with caregiving resources in your community.