Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and find more joy in life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here: Bloom Anywhere.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Please send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.
Certain periods of life tend to give us abundant opportunities to make friends. During high school or college, we were surrounded by people our own age looking for connection. The workplace may give us buddies who become friends outside of the office. And our own children can deliver friendship opportunities in the form of their classmates’, teammates’, or other-mates’ parents. However, as life changes and children grow up, workplaces change, and old friends drift away either in proximity or closeness, feelings of being disconnected, isolated, or lonely may creep in.
I mentioned last week that one of my goals this year is to help others fight loneliness and find their own ways to combat social isolation through Bloom Anywhere. So, as I pondered this issue, my mind immediately went to my friend Melody Warnick, author of This Is Where You Belong: Finding Home Wherever You Are, among others. Warnick was inspired to write about finding “home” and a sense of connection after several moves over the years left her feeling unmoored. I wondered if folks could use some of the same approaches she suggests for finding connection in a new community to find friends in a place that they’ve lived in for a while. Turns out, the answer is “yes.”
Creating Connection in a Busy World
Even if your dance card is full of friends, life happens, Warnick says. “Your best friend moves away or something like that happens and just drops the bomb in your life,” she says. As someone who writes about place attachment—the emotional bond between person and place—she says that not having enough social support affects quality of life. “No matter how much you like your community—there's a Target, and there's a Trader Joe's, and you like that—if you don't have the social connections in your community. It won't feel satisfying for very long,” she says.
So, if you’re longing for new friends, here are some suggestions.
Be open. Sometimes, the start of a friendship is just a conversation away, so consider how you can (comfortably) invite those interactions. In her research, Warnick spoke with a man who likes to walk around his neighborhood without earbuds so he can easily strike up conversations. He calls it “the ministry of being available.” She also mentioned Kristen Schell, who put a picnic table in her front yard, painted it turquoise, and inadvertently created a hub for new friendships and conversations, creating new connections in a place where she had lived for a while. “It's kind of back to that idea of seeing your place with a certain freshness and openness, to see it in a new way,” Warnick says.
Join something. Let your interests guide you, and do some digging into the various groups in your community. Love hiking? Knitting? Reading? Chances are that there are hiking clubs, knitting groups, book clubs, or other small groups that gather regularly. You might need to ask around to find them. Local libraries or bookstores may host book clubs. Or look for gatherings through Meetup. Exercise or yoga classes, business groups, sports leagues, acting or art classes, houses of worship—whatever your interest, there are people getting together to do that thing close to you. And service organizations like Rotary or Lions Clubs still exist in many communities, Warnick adds.
Volunteer. There is a pile of research that shows how volunteering can stave off social isolation and improve mental and physical well-being. It can also be a source of friendships. That Independence Day celebration or fall festival you love to go to every year? Those events you love often happen because of volunteers. Get involved with causes you care about—help at a local animal rescue, domestic violence shelter, or hospital. You might even make a friend, too.
Create something. If you can’t find a group that works for you, you can always create one. After I finished cancer treatments, I needed more fun and friendship in my life. A friend and I invited a group of women to start a book club. Fourteen years later, the group has become far more than a stereotypical book club—it’s a group of friends who are smart, funny, and share a love of reading. We’ve helped each other through illness, grief, loss, and other tough times. We plan fun things to do together and get together for meals. It’s a treasured part of my life.
Admittedly, some of this may be tougher to do if you are introverted or have anxiety in social settings. Sometimes, enlisting another friend to help you can create a feeling of greater ease in a new setting. Introverts need connection, too.
How Do You Make Friends?
Do you have a fun or unexpected story about making a new friend? I’d love to hear it and possibly share it in a future newsletter. Send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.
Bloom Drops
Connecting. Another suggestion Warnick had for finding friends is to use apps like Meetup, Nextdoor, and even Facebook Groups to connect with like-minded people who gather for different reasons. There are even apps like Bumble BFF, Unblnd, and Peanut (mostly for moms) that help users find friends. And, while it goes without saying, it’s important: Please take all appropriate precautions when making plans with those you don’t know.
