Hi. Welcome to Bloom Anywhere. I'm Gwen Moran, a writer, editor, author, and problem-solver. My goal is to share information, ideas, and resources to help you overcome obstacles, reach your goals, and get more joy out of life, even when things are messy. Thanks for joining me. (If you got this from a friend, subscribe here: Bloom Anywhere.) I'd love your feedback and suggestions for future topics. Please send me an email: connect@bloomanywhere.com.
I’ve mentioned before that I’m a fan of the show “Somebody Somewhere.” It’s disappointing that HBO Max chose not to renew it for a fourth season, but the show still got several Emmy nods—a testament to its wit and wonderful performances. The series creator and star was featured on “CBS Sunday Morning” recently, and she shared a bit of wisdom she received unexpectedly.
By her recounting, she and a friend were watching an episode of “Oprah’s Master Class” that featured LL Cool J. They were prepared to make fun of it, but the rapper, entrepreneur, actor, and Renaissance man shared an acronym that stuck with Everett: DDHD. Dreams don’t have deadlines. Everett, who was working to realize her professional singing and acting career, said the sentiment resonated with her. Now, she has it written in several places and on jewelry as a reminder to keep working toward her goals.
When it feels like we’re “behind” or that it’s “too late” to reach our goals, Everett’s story provides a welcome contrarian view. She did it. Why not us?
The three Ps
I recently had a wide-ranging conversation with my friend Andy Kirpatrick about what it means to be successful. Andy is an executive coach. Before he went out on his own, he coached leaders in the federal government, helping them develop the skills they needed to be successful in their careers. I had an “a-ha” moment similar to Everett’s when I spoke with Andy (but that’s probably not surprising—it’s what he does.) He largely rejects hardline concepts of “winning” and “losing.” They’re often illusions—and sometimes their measures are beyond our control. Instead, he says, we need to focus on those things we do control: our presence, preparedness, and pleasantness.
I’ll admit that the minute someone insinuates that I must be “pleasant,” an inner rebellion begins to form. But that’s not what he meant.
He said that, in all of life’s uncertainty, there are some elements you do.. Ask yourself: What is it that is going to move me closer to the mission? What can I measure? And it really boils down to three things:
Presence: How do you show up in the world? Are you actively pursuing the things you want? Presence refers to a range of matters from how you comport yourself (to the extent you have control over doing so) to how present you are in the moments that matter. Does your presence reflect the person you want to be?
Preparedness: Have you done the work necessary so that you’re ready when opportunity appears? Are you doing the things you know you need to do to move toward the life you want? Doing the work—emotionally, spiritually, physically, and otherwise—matters.
Pleasantness: How you treat others and behave in various situations says a lot about character. That doesn’t mean you have to be “nice.” Sometimes, there’s reason to be firm, stern, or even angry. But there is rarely, if ever, an occasion to be cruel or to interact with others in ways that are incongruent with your values. You are in control of how you behave. Act authentically.
Each of these categories is more complex than an alliterative acronym, but Andy gave me a lot to think about. If we focus on excelling in these areas, we’re often actually doing the work of moving toward what we want.
Winning—even when it feels like you're losing
Andy’s framework reminded me of lessons I've learned from watching track & field athletes over the years. My daughter reached elite levels in throwing. And while I loved watching her compete, I also loved watching the throwers, runners, and jumpers who weren’t yet at that level. Sure, getting a medal is thrilling. But when I watched the early rounds of competition—those in which the less accomplished athletes compete—what I saw was inspiring. If an athlete beat their personal record (PR), they would often celebrate like they won the whole damn thing. Their teammates and even competitors would celebrate with them. If they shaved a fraction of a second off their time or mastered a new technique, they were thrilled even if that didn’t get them to the podium. (Of course, I wrote about this.)
All of this got me thinking about how much of our lives we spend working toward and reaching what we want. If we only count the times we’ve grabbed the brass ring, we’ve missed, or at least devalued, all of the joy in the small wins along the way.
DDHD. And AWDC—all wins deserve celebration.
Share your wins
I’d love to hear about a small win. I’m in the process of compiling an issue that includes your feedback and answers. This would be a fantastic ending note.
Bloom Drops
Things I want to share with you.
Reading: I finished Wally Lamb’s latest, The River Is Waiting. It is not an easy read, but it’s gorgeous, moving, and redemptive in that Lamb way where people find themselves only by going through the very darkest and most difficult times. TW: Child loss.
Saving: I am a fan of MasterClass and have been a member on and off. During my last membership, I realized that you can add a second user to the basic membership and split the cost. (You need to work out the money transfer between yourselves.) A little savings is always welcome. So, find a friend and start learning.
Gifting: If you’ve ever been to the iconic grocery store, bakery, and all-around Jersey shore food institution that is Delicious Orchards in Colts Neck, New Jersey, you’ll be happy to know that you can order gift baskets, baked goods, and other items online. I recently sent apple cider doughnuts as a thank-you to a grateful contact. Remember this the next time you want to treat someone—or yourself. You won’t be sorry and will support an iconic family-owned small business.
